sophia-loren-giving-the-side-eye-to-jayne-mansield

 

If jealousy and envy were in a “who wore it best” showdown there would be no winner.  They’re straight up fugly on everyone.  Fuuuuuuugly.  No exceptions.  They aren’t a good look.  Period.  I can hear you now:

 

 

“No shit, Sherlock.”

NO-SHIT-SHERLOCK

 

So why bother bringing it up?  Well, not to get too personal (you guys know I’m not down with the name and shame) but I’ve recently been on the receiving end of some petty (alebeit humorous, completely bonkers and totally slanderous) jealousy-induced snarkiness and I thought I would take this opportunity to address the real reasons why jealousy and envy are craptastic for the person rockin’ those emotions, and I’m not just talking about the downright ultra unattractiveness of it, but the negative impact it can have on your health.  Yup.  All those feels aren’t so hot for your health…

 

 

SHOCKING, I KNOW.

SHOCKED-SHERLOCK

 

 

SINCE MANY PEOPLE THINK JEALOUSY AND ENVY ARE INTERCHANGEABLE, LET’S BEGIN WITH DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN THE TWO, SHALL WE?  (WE SHALL.)

 

Why?  Because this way you can accurately identify what you’re feeling, which can help you identify why you’re feeling it, which can in turn help bring about a resolution to the major yuck-fest the emotions evoke.  So here we go:

 

 

JEALOUSY:

ways jealousy kicks your ass

 

 

The key element of jealousy is that a third party must be involved in the perceived threat (be it genuine or imagined) to a vital (again, be it real or imagined) relationship; a rival for affection and/or attention that results in the often overwhelming urge to protect what the jealous party perceives as “theirs.”

 

 

ENVY:

ways jealousy kicks your ass

 

 

Think of envy as a duel where more often than not only one person is actually pacing, turning and firing.  One party, often completely unaware of the situation, has something the other party wants.  The degree of envy can vary from a mild kind of wanting like the way I want that Amy Winehouse coffee table book to an obsessive, borderline insane kind of wanting like the way a toddler wants that damn piece of candy they see waiting in the checkout line and won’t shut the fuck up and stop screaming about until either their throat starts bleeding or their parents, in an effort to not snuff themselves in the middle of Target, cave in to the sugar addicted mini-hell beast they so proudly call theirs.

 

Now that we know the difference let’s get to the…

 

 

WAYS JEALOUSY KICKS YOUR ASS

ways jealousy kicks your ass

 

Did you know there are three primary types of jealousy?  Yup.  There’s:

*Reactive Jealousy – often caused when slighted. 
*Suspicious Jealousy – doesn’t this one pretty much explain itself?  And finally we enter the danger zone…
*Delusional Jealousy – full on bunny boiler territory, boys and girls.  This is, more often than not, followed by abusive behavior which can escalate to straight up aggression and violence to the nth degree when it’s allowed to run rampant and therapy-free (hey, that rhymed!).

So clearly jealousy can prove unhealthy (sometimes in a big, scary, get-the-law-involved way) to the person on the receiving end, but how does jealousy effect the health of the person (heretofore to be known as “you”) experiencing it firsthand?  We’ll begin by digging into that big ol’ ball of grey matter we call a brain.

Jealousy triggers parts of your brain where fear and anger don’t just live but can thrive.  These parts of your brain (for my fellow geeks out there some of these are the amygdala, insula and anterior cingulate cortex) get thrown into hyperdrive when that green eyed ass rears its hideous head.

 

 

SO WHY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR AMYGDALA AND ITS BUDDIES?

ways jealousy kicks your ass

 

Well for starters, the a.c.c. (that’s the anterior cingulate cortex) causes all kinds of fun physical pain.  No joke.  The emotional pain causes similar physical pain to accompany it.  Unless you’re a masochist I don’t need to tell you why this sucks.

These parts of the brain can screw with you in LOTS of other ways.  Example?  They can squash your appetite, to name one.  I know what some of you are thinking and no, it’s not the perfect diet plan. 

ONE CANNOT SURVIVE ON JEALOUSY AND DISGUST ALONE.

Venomous thoughts do not a meal make.  Zero nutrients.  Worst diet plan ever unless organ failure is your goal. 

 

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN? 

The stress (yes, being jealous IS stressful) can impact the part of your nervous system that’s responsible for controlling appetite and digestion. It causes overproduction of adrenaline,  increases cortisol (which can, in a reversal of BMI fortune, increase your appetite, weight and body fat – yes, stress can make you gain weight, too) and other fight or flight hormones.  This is why you have some people who are stress eaters and others who suffer from stress-induced anorexia – thank you, autonomic nervous system.

A jealousy induced stress state can be harmful (not to mention exhausting) when left unchecked for the long-term.  In short, you’re making yourself not only emotionally unwell but you can negatively impact your physical health, too.

 

 

WAIT!  THERE’S MORE!

(TRY TO CONTAIN YOUR EXCITEMENT.)

ways jealousy kicks your ass

 

If you opted to go all in and are in this for the long haul, all of the emotional douchery (a.k.a. jealousy) your brain is dishing out has the potential to make your parasympathetic nervous system crash and burn which can lead to high blood pressure, elevated pulse rates, arterial and vascular damage and even increase your risk for stroke and heart attacks – none of which are particularly good for your health and some of which aren’t very conducive to things like living.

Jealousy can also cause:

*aggressive and irrational behavior
*anxiety and stress
*loneliness and depression
*premature aging (…collagen?  What’s collagen?…), lowered immune health, hypertension, heart disease, and more (including all that stuff I already mentioned)

And are you ready for a really weird part?  Jealousy makes you blind (think of all those silly people running around blaming masturbation).  No, it doesn’t literally blind you (that WOULD be really weird), but it can inhibit your ability to see what’s right in front of you.  So next time you’ve spun out into a jealous rage and can’t find your car keys, just remember we’re all laughing at you because they’re sitting right in front of you on the table…exactly where you left them and where you’ve looked a dozen times.

 

 

SO WTF DO I DO ABOUT IT?  I HATE THE BITCH, ASSHOLE, PAIN IN THE ASS, ETC.

ways jealousy kicks your ass

 

First let’s try the obvious – forgiveness.  Let it go, Elsa.  Get over it.  Move on.  Forgiveness works.  If you can’t do it for them, then for fuck’s sake do it for your damn self.

Okay.  So you’re not the forgiving type.  Let’s try a different approach.  Instead of focusing all that wasted energy on a person who may or may not have wronged you and who may or may not give a damn about how you feel, focus on yourself!  Novel idea, isn’t it?  Make changes in your life that benefit you, make you feel better and help you move forward.  And no, homicide doesn’t count; healthy changes only, kids.

So you want to stick self-help books up new age woowoo hippies’ asses and forgiveness is for pussies.  Got it.  *sigh*  You are wearing me out.  Regardless, I’ve still got you covered.  Try this epiphany on for size…

IT’S.  NOT.  ABOUT.  YOU.

Yup.  Your ego may need to fuck all the way off.  The person you think is holding the reins to your misery likely isn’t.  It’s aaaaaaall you, babe. 

Many times they’re unaware you’re experiencing jealousy and they’re very rarely out to get you.  They have their own life to deal with which has nothing to do with you.  I hate to break it to your jealousy-infused ego, but you’re the last thing on their mind (unless you’re in bunny boiler mode and harass/slander/stalk them, in which case you, their lawyer, your summons and subsequent restraining order is probably the very first thing on their mind).  So you should deal with your life and let them deal with theirs.

Still no satisfying solution?  Nothing hitting the spot?  Then here’s the final suggestion…therapy.  Yup.  What you may think is causing the jealousy or envy may not be the real issue; there may be a whole host of other issues at the heart of the matter.  A therapist can help you dig down, get a hold of your thoughts and feelings and get everything working in unison again.  And isn’t that what you REALLY  want?…Don’t you really just want to…

 

MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY?  MOVE ON, BE HAPPY AND SOAK IN IT, MADGE.
SOAK IN THAT HAPPINESS.

:: PALMOLIVE COMMERCIAL FEATURING MADGE (1978) ::

 

What about you?  Have you battled the big mean green and defeated it?  How did you do it?  We love health and wellness around here so we’d love to know how you kicked jealousy’s ass.  Please feel free to share your pearls of wisdom in the comments section below.

 

 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 

 

IMAGES  ::  SOPHIA VS JAYNE – REX USA  ::  SHERLOCK VIA BBC  ::  JEALOUSY – ART ARMSTRONG  ::  VIA HUFFINGTON POST  ::  VIA WIKIPEDIA  ::  THE MINDSET EFFECT  ::  GIF – “EASY A”  ::  VIA HUGGINGTON POST (UK)  ::

 

 

 

 

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A HOLIDAY MESSAGE TO YOU
 
 

I know it’s been an eternity (and I have missed you like crazy).  I have my reasons, all of which will come to light as time progresses but there’s time for that later.  For now, let’s stick to the present as I deliver…

 
 

A HOLIDAY MESSAGE TO YOU AS WE STROLL THROUGH MY BRAIN

 


 
 

For those of you who follow me on facebook and instagram, the holiday reiki and tarot reading sale I promised is coming at the beginning of January so you can grab your 2017 reiki sessions and tarot readings at 2016 prices with  a discount (and a percentage of each sale going to your choice of one of four charities).  So fear not.  You haven’t been forgotten, it’s merely been delayed due to scheduling conflicts.  January 2017.  It’s on.  Stay tuned and…

WELCOME BACK, MY DEARS.

 
 

2017 Kisses & Fuck 2016 Chaos,
Alli Wood Frederick

 
 

IMAGES :: SOURCE UNKNOWN ::
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Weird Things I Think About V1.0

 
 

MANY moons ago my ex-husband and I saw a comedian who did a bit about what his kid was like first thing in the morning.

His eyes would pop open, he’d fly out of bed with near manic energy dripping from every pore, his brain in high gear and a barrage of bizarre questions speeding through his brain and shooting out of his mouth.  Questions like:

 

“DO YOU THINK A SHARK EVER ATE AN ALLIGATOR?”

Weird Things I Think About V1.0

(NOT A SHARK AND AN ALLIGATOR, BUT IT WAS TOO COOL NOT TO SHARE IT.)

 
 

A perfectly legit question in my opinion, but my ex looked at me with a straight face and said:

 

“OH MY GOD.  THAT’S YOU.  THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE LIKE IN THE MORNING.  YOU ARE THIS GUY’S FIVE YEAR OLD SON.”

 

I’m not gonna lie – he was right.  That’s what I’m like, sans the manic physical energy, when I wake up…but mentally, that is 100% me.

I open my eyes and my brain is off and running, occupied with equally “weird” nonsense.  Not one to stand on ceremony, I don’t greet the dawn or the person sharing my space with a perky, singsong “good morning.”  Nope.  I am that five year old kid.

 

***(Disclaimer: an exception is made for cuddling.  Cuddling is a million times more important and all other things become null and void.  Quality cuddle time will always be top priority.  there are no exceptions.)***

 

This epiphany solidified my ex’s belief that I, along with this comic’s kid, was a weirdo and that “normal” people don’t function that way; that such random ponderings were atypical.

 

BUT I THINK HE WAS WRONG.  IN FACT I KNOW IT.

 

I don’t think I, nor that shark eatin’ alligator kid, are weird at all.  As a matter of fact I suspect that…

 
 

MOST PEOPLE WONDER ABOUT THE SAME WEIRD SHIT I DO.  YOU INCLUDED.

fiend-without-a-face


 
 

The only possible difference I see is that not everyone blurts them out (especially at 7:30 in the morning).  I think my lack of filter is because:

 

1) I spend an obscene amount of time alone (and I talk to myself) so I’m used to saying whatever crosses my mind and
2) I actually hope someone has an answer (or at least an interesting theory).

 

But my point stands that I firmly believe everyone else thinks about the same random, weird shit I do…and that’s why I’m starting this series.

Welcome to the inner workings of my (and I suspect, your) mind.  I’d offer you a map to help navigate, but thus far no one’s been crazy enough or cared enough to try and make one, so I suggest you leave a trail of breadcrumbs.

Now let us join together and ponder the…

 
 
 

WEIRD THINGS I THINK ABOUT V1.0

Weird Things I Think About V1.0


 
 

*   ARE ANIMALS MULTI-LINGUAL?  Obviously pets understand their human’s language, but do animals understand other species?  How much do they understand?  Is it vague or specific?  Does a cow speak crow?  Or a rabbit speak squirrel?  Which leads me to wonder…

 

*   HOW DO ANIMALS THINK AND REMEMBER?   Are they visual?  Do they think in images?  Do they think utilizing their language the same way we do?  Is it based on the senses, on language or both?  How?

 
 

Weird Things I Think About V1.0


 
 

*   IF THERE ARE MULTIPLE UNIVERSES/PARALLEL DIMENSIONS and each one has a different version of each of us, do we all share a soul or do we each have one of our own?…

 

*   AND IF WE DON’T SHARE A SOUL, do we all share the same afterlife or is there a separate afterlife for each individual universe?  It could get really confusing with infinite multiples of our souls running around the same afterlife…not to mention really, really, really crowded.

 

*   AM I CRAZY?  I think I might be but then I’m pretty sure I’m not.  I think a lot of people wear their weird on the inside.  I wear mine on the outside which sometimes makes me feel like I might be bananas, while in actuality I’m not…or I am…I’m not sure…but “they” say that if you know you’re sane you’re likely bonkers but if you question your sanity then your likely sane…or did I hear that in a movie?  Crap.  I have no idea one way or the other…but I do wonder.

 
 

Weird Things I Think About V1.0


 
 

*   WHY IS IT YOU NEVER HEAR OF SOMEONE UNDERGOING PAST LIFE REGRESSION HYPNOSIS and reporting being an alien in a former life?

 

*   WOULD ALIEN LIFE HAVE SPIRITS LIKE OURS…or would theirs be unique and vastly different from ours?  And if there is a God is there only one or is there a consortium and each one is responsible for its own life forms?  One God for earth and humans, another God for The Greys, another for the Nordics, and so on and so forth…  And would we all share the same afterlife or does each God get his own for his personal creations?

 
 

Weird Things I Think About V1.0


 
 

*   DO YOU THINK THE AFTERLIFE IS LIKE THE ONE IN BEETLEJUICE?  This has been rattling around in my head since I was in junior high.  I can’t decide if that would be completely amazing or really f’ing annoying.  Sandworms and handbooks for the recently deceased…I suppose it would depend on the day…

 

Admit it.  I bet you’ve wondered at least one of those things or something very similar at some point.  And I’d bet you’ve pondered even weirder shit than that…which is awesome and I love you for it.

So what are yours?  I’d love to hear ‘em and maybe even feature some of yours in a future post.

If you just want to share, then post your weird assed questions in the comments below.  If you want the chance to have yours featured then shoot me an email and share away (make sure to put “WEIRD THINGS I THINK ABOUT” in the subject line).

 

I CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR ALL THE STRANGE THINGS YOUR BRAIN COMES UP WITH.

 

And of course, if you have any theories or answers to any of my queries, for f*ck’s sake PLEASE LET ME KNOW.  I would LOVE to have an answer or new theory to ponder.  Inquiring minds want to know.

 
 

Cuckoo Kisses & Random Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 

 

IMAGES  :: WEIRD THINGS I THINK ABOUT © ALLI WOODS FREDERICK ALL RIGHTS RESERVED  ::  SHARK VS NARWHAL – LEGENDARY TIGERHERO  ::  FIEND WITHOUT A FACE  ::  VINTAGE PETS SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  VIA CONSPIRACY CLUB  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  BEETLEJUICE © THE GEFFEN CO.  ::
Posted in LIFESTYLE, MY LIFE | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

 

 

Dare To Live

 
 

I am swimming in a sea of change right now.  Lots of upheaval, lots of weirdness and lots of change.  A time for decisions and movement is fast approaching and that movement has the potential to change the course of my life.  What change doesn’t though?  Deciding to get a cup of coffee can be a life changing experience.  You could get in an accident on your way or you could meet your new best friend, husband or business partner while waiting in line.

Anything and everything has the potential to change your life, but usually you can’t see it coming.  This time I have the (mis?)fortune of seeing the change coming which creates an unusual opportunity (and somewhat stressful responsibility) to help choose my life’s path instead of having it unexpectedly thrust upon me by the fates.

So what’s a girl to do with such a unique opportunity?  How does one make such decisions and move forward with confidence, grace and conviction?

Truthfully?

 

I HAVE NO F*CKING CLUE.

 

So I’ll do what I do whenever I’m clueless (which is far more often than I care to admit).  I’ll wing it and do the best I can as I follow Emerson’s advice and…

 
 

DARE TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE DREAMED

Dare To Live


 
 

“DARE TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE DREAMED FOR YOURSELF.  GO FORWARD AND MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

 
 

Wish me luck.  Here’s to hoping fortune favors the bold and that I keep wisdom and creativity as my companions during this period of change.  If anything exciting transpires I’ll be sure to let you know.  Until then I hope you too follow Emerson’s advice and dare to live, my dears.  Be brave and…

Dare.  To.  Live.

 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  FROM CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR – SHARON WRIGHT  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN (BUT RUMOR HAS IT IT’S A BANKSY…JUST FYI)  ::
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120 Minutes Tuesday

 

 

I haven’t done a music post in ages and lately, for some reason, I keep thinking about 120 Minutes.  For the uninitiated or who are too young to have been blessed with an MTV that actually showed music videos (sorry but MTV2 doesn’t count), the best of which was a weekly block of time that was dedicated solely to alternative music…back when alternative music wasn’t crap like Nickelback but encompassed a wide range of music for we the weirdos, oddballs, and outcasts.

120 Minutes embraced everything from Adam and The Ants and The Sugarcubes to Ministry, Jane’s Addiction and Sonic Youth.  If it was outside the mainstream and kicked ass then it had a home on 120 Minutes.

In honor of this sudden lightening bolt of musical nostalgia I now present a series of music videos henceforth to be known as…

 
 

120 MINUTES TUESDAY

120 Minutes Tuesday

 
 

::  JANE’S ADDICTION – CLASSIC GIRL  ::

 

 
 
 

::  MAZZY STAR – HALAH (LIVE 1994)  ::

 

 
 
 

::  STONE ROSES – I WANNA BE ADORED  ::

 

 
 
 

::  MORRISSEY – SUEDEHEAD  ::

 

 
 
 

::  THE CURE – LOVESONG  ::

 

 
 
 

::  DEPECHE MODE – ENJOY THE SILENCE  ::

 

 

 

::  SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES – PEEK-A-BOO  ::

 

 
 
 

::  ADAM AND THE ANTS – KINGS OF THE WILD FRONTIER  ::

(AM4SP!)

 

 
 
 

::  SONIC YOUTH – KOOL THING  ::

 

 
 
 

::  MY LIFE WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT – SEX ON WHEELS  ::

 

 
 
 

::  CHEMLAB – CODEINE, GLUE AND YOU  ::

 

 
 
 

::  FRONT 242 – HEADHUNTER  ::

 

 
 
 

::  NINE INCH NAILS – HEAD LIKE A HOLE  ::

 

 
 
 

::  MINISTRY – SO WHAT  ::

 

 
 
 

::  THE DEAD MILKMEN – PUNK ROCK GIRL  ::


 
 

Ahhhhhh, the memories.  I miss you old (and good) MTV.  I miss you a lot.  I’m off to binge on more music to sate my nostalgia.  Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday, my dears, and the soundtrack I’ve provided.  Muwha!

 
 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  © MTV  ::
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